Monday, February 3, 2014


I'm sitting in LA hall minding my own business when some skater/beach bum boy comes up and starts talking to an annoying girl and her friend sitting next to me. They have the the worst laughs on the planet.
The conversation is as follows:  
BOY: "Once you get my age you'll understand. I'm 24" *These girls are probably roughly 22*
GIRLS: Silence. Saying absolutely nothing
BOY: "College is so much easier than high school." 
GIRLS: laughs
BOY: "I'm not even gonna go there cause you're still jail bait so. Talk to me in how ever many months and then we'll have this conversation. HAHA." 
GIRLS: Still silent. Not saying anything.
BOY: "I have my priorities in check and I have better things to do.... I am scrawny and small and have feminine features, I've been told so I should probably smoke cigarettes. My friend's in prison right now doing a 5-15 because at the time he was in college in Colorado and somehow some 17 year old female got in there and some alcohol got involved and yeah... so now he's in prison... yeaaaahhhhh.. hahahahaha. *I am genuinely terrified that this guy is laughing that his friend is in prison* mmmhmmmm Utah that's part of why Utah is retarded. except for Salt Lake. It is just an area of okayness. I went to Florida and some angry white man shot me. I would definitely get off the hook if I was a minority. From what I remember it's a bunch of white retirees with money."
*to some other girls that are walking by* "SUUUPP LAAADDDDIIIIEEEESSS? Are you guys on yearbook?" 
BOY (talking to original girls again): "I'm trying to make small talk here, you're making it difficult. This girl made some accusations that aren't true. I'll probably get fired. The store actually investigated me. Found nothing. And yet her angry husband comes in and threatens to kill me. She is a bean stalk. I'm not into playing out jack and the beanstalk. I'm not into role play. My last two weeks have been full of fun. I am a social minority. I'm in the atheist club. Oh my name is Eric by the way. I'm not some random weird guy that came up and said 'hey'."
ONE GIRL TO THE OTHER: "I don't even know who this guy is...."
BOY:  "Did you pass Wilson's class? I have a 3.28 GPA currently. Someone told me that crying means you want something that's not yours? I don't know. I thought that was wrong. No one touches my power rangers. For me growing up power rangers was my religion. I have a question: why do girls pay for nails? As a guy my hands are always going to be ugly because I'm a guy. Yes because, I'm a guy. I don't care about moisturizing. THEY'RE HANDS. My friend is obsessed with women's feet and I'm like 'what is wrong with you?!' My hair looks not awesome"
GIRLS: "You look insane."
BOY: "Hmmmm... yeah. probably. I go days without washing my hair. I always wondered growing up why my sister took so long to shower. Now I know it's because of the hair. It takes like 10 minutes." *awkward silence* 
BOY: "This is awkward. I have a problem with awkward silence." 
*one girl whispers something inaudible to the other* 
BOY: "You think I talk a lot? You should see my mom. She talks about 100 different subjects in half an hour. It has to do with my ADD, which I refuse to take meds for. I don't want to be hopped up. 80% of ADD medication is just speed. YEAH. The random things you learn. Huh. Hmm...." 
*boy to some other guy* "How'd the test go?"
OTHER GUY: "It was so easy. I'm a math genius. It just clicks, ya know?"
BOY: "I have never had the option of moving out of my parents house." 
*boy talking to girls again as girls get up to leave* "You outta here? See ya. Thanks for listening to me rambling!" 
*girls run down LA hall together whispering to each other with crazed looks on their faces*

Honestly, this is gold. Comedic gold. I know UVU has some we-he-he-heird people but like... this is on another level. A completely different level. I can't even deal. 

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