Cause we're the 3 best friends that anyone could have...

I always forget how therapeutic and wonderful spending time with friends can be.
Especially when I spend half of my time reading philosophical essays and romantic literature while the other half is spent trying to write the 5 billion pages of 16 different papers that I have due.

The girls that I consider my BFF's are truly the most perfect and beautiful people I know, inside and out. I don't think I ever realize how much I miss them and NEED them in my life until I haven't seen them in at least 12 years. 

We probably do and say embarrassing things. 

We probably talk a little too much - only because we never see each other.

We probably reminisce about things that will only make us sad. 

And we probably laugh a little too loudly.

But I honestly think that the people that let you act like a total lunatic are the ones that you should probably keep around. 

HOW did I not find them until now?

It is the biggest mystery to me. 

But I'm glad I found them when I did because they have changed my life forever. 

Love you Kat Kasee and Chelsinki. You are the best friends a girl could ever ask for! 

LIVE TWEET

LIVE TWEET OR MAYBE BLOG POST:

I'm sitting in LA hall minding my own business when some skater/beach bum boy comes up and starts talking to an annoying girl and her friend sitting next to me. They have the the worst laughs on the planet.

The conversation is as follows:  

BOY: "Once you get my age you'll understand. I'm 24" *These girls are probably roughly 22*

GIRLS: Silence. Saying absolutely nothing

BOY: "College is so much easier than high school." 

GIRLS: laughs

BOY: "I'm not even gonna go there cause you're still jail bait so. Talk to me in how ever many months and then we'll have this conversation. HAHA." 

GIRLS: Still silent. Not saying anything.

BOY: "I have my priorities in check and I have better things to do.... I am scrawny and small and have feminine features, I've been told so I should probably smoke cigarettes. My friend's in prison right now doing a 5-15 because at the time he was in college in Colorado and somehow some 17 year old female got in there and some alcohol got involved and yeah... so now he's in prison... yeaaaahhhhh.. hahahahaha. *I am genuinely terrified that this guy is laughing that his friend is in prison* mmmhmmmm Utah that's part of why Utah is retarded. except for Salt Lake. It is just an area of okayness. I went to Florida and some angry white man shot me. I would definitely get off the hook if I was a minority. From what I remember it's a bunch of white retirees with money."

*to some other girls that are walking by* "SUUUPP LAAADDDDIIIIEEEESSS? Are you guys on yearbook?" 

GIRLS THAT WERE WALKING BY: "What? No."

BOY (talking to original girls again): "I'm trying to make small talk here, you're making it difficult. This girl made some accusations that aren't true. I'll probably get fired. The store actually investigated me. Found nothing. And yet her angry husband comes in and threatens to kill me. She is a bean stalk. I'm not into playing out jack and the beanstalk. I'm not into role play. My last two weeks have been full of fun. I am a social minority. I'm in the atheist club. Oh my name is Eric by the way. I'm not some random weird guy that came up and said 'hey'."

ONE GIRL TO THE OTHER: "I don't even know who this guy is...."

BOY:  "Did you pass Wilson's class? I have a 3.28 GPA currently. Someone told me that crying means you want something that's not yours? I don't know. I thought that was wrong. No one touches my power rangers. For me growing up power rangers was my religion. I have a question: why do girls pay for nails? As a guy my hands are always going to be ugly because I'm a guy. Yes because, I'm a guy. I don't care about moisturizing. THEY'RE HANDS. My friend is obsessed with women's feet and I'm like 'what is wrong with you?!' My hair looks not awesome"

GIRLS: "You look insane."

BOY: "Hmmmm... yeah. probably. I go days without washing my hair. I always wondered growing up why my sister took so long to shower. Now I know it's because of the hair. It takes like 10 minutes." *awkward silence* 

BOY: "This is awkward. I have a problem with awkward silence." 

*one girl whispers something inaudible to the other* 

BOY: "You think I talk a lot? You should see my mom. She talks about 100 different subjects in half an hour. It has to do with my ADD, which I refuse to take meds for. I don't want to be hopped up. 80% of ADD medication is just speed. YEAH. The random things you learn. Huh. Hmm...." 

*boy to some other guy* "How'd the test go?"

OTHER GUY: "It was so easy. I'm a math genius. It just clicks, ya know?"

BOY: "I have never had the option of moving out of my parents house." 

*boy talking to girls again as girls get up to leave* "You outta here? See ya. Thanks for listening to me rambling!" 

*girls run down LA hall together whispering to each other with crazed looks on their faces*

Honestly, this is gold. Comedic gold. I know UVU has some we-he-he-heird people but like... this is on another level. A completely different level. I can't even deal. 

There ya have it, folks.

I've been struck by the feeling that none of the decisions I'm making have any ounce of originality.

Suddenly my preferences toward art, literature, my major, clothing, hair styles, and television shows are under intense scrutiny. By my own self. Which is weird. But I'm like: "Do I like this book because someone told me that they hated it?" or "Do I like this book because someone told me that it was the BEST?!" or "Do I like this book because I actually like it?" honestly. It's becoming a problem for me.

And so now I'm rethinking every decision I've ever made in the past. So. There it is. Now, all of this  brought me to the realization that I have no idea what I want to do from here. Where I want to go from here. Honestly, all I see is a black abyss. Like I'm just sitting there looking out over nothing. Just darkness. And frankly, I'm terrified of that. WHO JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO DO WITH THEIR LIFE?

Also, I found out that I have to present a paper on my least favorite author in a conference.

I told my teacher I wasn't down and he just kind of looked at me, stunned.

But then roughly 90% of the class came forward and agreed with me so now he's like: "WEEELLLLLLLLLLL.. this is awkward."But then this got me to thinking: how can an English major NOT like an author (yeah, that's what is still on my mind not the part about how incredibly awkward and weird my professor is)? Is that allowed?? I don't think it is. English. What kind of a major is that? Like.... Am I ever going to get a job? Because I don't want to be a teacher or a writer. SOOOO... what does that leave? Yep, you guessed it. Nothing. Nada. Nill. 

But I think I've decided to just sit here in my bittersweet melancholy and try to come to terms with all of it. Cause there's gotta be light at the end of the tunnel right? There has to be like a silver ray of hope.... Like light in the abyss. There has got to be a job I can get and that I will love. Maybe one day I'll wake up and know exactly what I want. Let's hope that day is like tomorrow.

Also here's a picture of what my life looks like at the moment.

Honestly, can you imagine me just standing on this cliff side?

Ye-he-he-he-eah... Fat chance. 

a dictator read that once.

School has started and so now I'm WAY too stressed to function. 

Who's idea was it that I take 3 English classes coupled with 2 Art History classes?

Certainly not mine. I can tell you that much. 

Honestly, I love my courses this semester (the ones that I haven't dropped, that is). 

More importantly I love that I have a moderate amount of homework. Just enough to keep me grounded but still allow me to have to time to watch my late night shows with no interruptions. The Jimmy's (Kimmel and Fallon) are my life now. Not sure what I'm going to do when they're on at the same time.... You know what, though? My being able to watch them might be due to the fact that I get things done early now-a-days. 

WEEEEE-HEEEEE-HEEEEE-HEEEIRD.

You know what else might help? Listening to this song on repeat. Makes the homework seem tolerable. 

What can I say, I'm obsessed. I know it's kind of old..... I never get sick of it. 

Plus I'm super jealous of Gwyneth Paltrow for being married to a man with such a fabulous voice. Plus I think she lives in London. So she has the life I want. It ain't no big thang. She can get fish and chips whenever she wants. So lame. I want them. Not to veer off topic or anything.

Annnnnyyyyywaaaayyyyy...... 

I think that you guys would get your homework done early too if you were taking a propaganda class. 

Yeah, I study that stuff. 

I know. I think school is cool too. 

If your interested in some good reads, I recommend Le Bon's The Crowd (Mussolini kept that one at his bedside and I think that Hitler may have gotten some inspiration from it) and Freud's Group Psychology and the Analysis of the Ego. They're so weird and fascinating.

Like just read this: a crowd does not require "simultaneous presence of a number of individuals in one spot." If that doesn't have you hooked already.... I'm not sure what would intrigue you, you crazies.

 

i'm not reminiscing

I know, you've already read all of the posts reminiscing about 2013.
I won't bore you with the things I did in 2013, because you already know.
I already wrote those posts so I'll tell you a few of the things I'm looking forward to in the next....
12 months or 52 weeks or 365 days, 525,600 minutes (however you like to count a year).
...............

1. A fresh start. I know that everyone says this, but honestly, no resolutions here. I just want to live my life. I've embraced the idea that I don't know what's going to happen next month, next week, or even tomorrow. I guess you could say that I'm just living my life the way I want to and not worrying about what I COULD be doing. 
2. The new semester. I'm not the biggest fan of spring semester. I actually kind of hate it. It's so hard to go to school when it starts to get warm. I daydream the entire time I'm in class about how I could be having a picnic or reading a book in the delicious sunlight. But I can honestly say that I am SOOO excited about the classes I'm taking this spring. I mean... Romantic British Literature? 19th Century Art History? Ok f'real, I get to study my FAVORITE art. Can you say IMPRESSIONISM?! So happy. 
3. Opportunities to travel all over the place. I've decided that I'm going to take advantage of every break from school. Spring break? You better believe I'm leaving this state to experience somewhere new and exciting. It may even be somewhere I've been but I'm determined to see it from a different perspective. Weekends? Yeah... I probably won't go anywhere exciting. Also, summer break has some terrific trips in store for me, I just know it. We'll see how that goes. 

I wish I could think of more things but I'm just way too excited that I can't even. 

(Fun anecdote: I hung out at my friends apartment this last weekend and when I said "I can't even" she says "I have lost all capacity to even" and so now every time I hear someone say "I can't even" I think "have you lost all capacity to even?" man... that girl is funny.) 

Small reminiscence because I miss and love them way too much:

 

when love and hate collide

So I'm taking a class on Literature of the American Renaissance.
(Remember the last post? Same class)
And the last few days we've been reading The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
And I have honestly had the hardest time reading it.
Because Frederick had a terribly hard life.
He was a slave for years and was hated by so many people.
And there was this wonderful point that my professor made that I can't get out of my head:

Love your enemies. Hating them is only a manifestation that you have more in common with them than differences and is an insurance that you will eventually become them. Focusing on your enemy and the hatred you feel for them brings forth the worst version of yourself.

Because HOW TRUE IS THAT STATEMENT??
You can't concentrate on how much you hate someone and expect to end up as the bigger person.
I think I may be starting to love this class........
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!
I'm learning so many things and appreciating literature even more than I did before
(Which I didn't think was possible..... at all. Because I already love it way too much)
My professor constantly tells us that we need to read and re-read and re-read books and search for the different meanings that the text will hold each time we read it.
It's too true. And I want to re-read this story 1,000,000 times over.
Because it's that good.
You need to read it. That is, if you want your life to be changed forever.

Welllllllll.... That was awkward.

Here's a good story for ya:
I haven't been to one of my classes in roughly a month.
It's a particularly boring class.
I don't like Nathaniel Hawthorne. It's as simple as that.
Annnnnywayyyyyyy.... All was going well.
I had forgotten that I was even in that class.
Until I ran into my teacher in the hall today,
made SUPER awkward eye contact,
and proceeded to be stared at until I got up to leave.
It's an awkward situation and now I can't decide if I should keep avoiding the class....
Or if I should go and just be like "OH HEY IT'S BEEN A WHILE!"
I'm giving you my permission to use this story to make your life seem a lot better.
You're welcome.